So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
