I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want to fling myself into the sun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
