Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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