my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
