Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
