Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
