Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
