I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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