Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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