Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
