Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
vagina is talking i cant
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
