Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
