It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
