i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
