shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
