but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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