So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
