i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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