i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
