Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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