as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
