Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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