I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
