You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
