4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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