bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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