I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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