I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
