"it" just moved
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
