I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
