I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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