It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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