Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
