This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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