I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
