just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
