I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
