I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
