i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
