Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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