You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
