I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
