i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
