we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
