The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
