Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
