Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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