Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just invented taco cereal.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
