I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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