it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
