If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
