When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
