Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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