More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
