I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nicole vs. Life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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