This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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